There is a famous line from a famous movie of which I have never seen: “We’ll always have Paris.” From what I understand it’s a line used in parting as the lead character realizes that the end of their romance is over and he fondly consoles her by reminding her that they will always have good memories.
Obviously since I am quoting this movie, I will have to actually take the time to watch it. This might be a painful experience for me. I am not really big on 1942 black and white movies and no matter how good you tell me it is, I’m going to ask you why you need me to go back and relive the past. However, I can hardly use that as an excuse when that is what I am about to do here today.
Writing a memoir of my good memories and being pressured into watching movies that were made back when we lacked the technology of bright colors and high-definition picture are two very different things. Right? If you feel me here let me know.
I digress. The point here is that I have this amazing experience from my recent trip to Paris to share with you. My photos from it, unlike Casablanca, are in color, so in my mind that makes this entire blog a reasonable time expenditure from my normally busy day.
I’ve already written a very detailed account of my Paris trip that will be posted on The Bari Blog in the near future. I’ll spare you the details that will be given there and instead share the emotional side of my Paris adventure with you.
The emotional reactions that we have to things are unexplainable sometimes. As an example, I really thought that when I crossed the finish line of my first full marathon and completed the Dopey Challenge during the Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend this last January I would break down in tears of joy at what would be a monumental accomplishment in both my fitness and weight loss journey. I didn’t though. I felt accomplished. I was extremely proud of myself, but there wasn’t an overwhelming emotional reaction to it.
Honestly, I haven’t had that sort of raw emotionally overwhelming reaction to completing a half marathon since the first one I ran in honor of my father on Father’s Day back in June of 2013. I’ve ran a few half marathons since then and while each and every one of them gives me that amazing sense of accomplishment and allows me to experience that all-so-often talked about ‘runner’s high’, none of them had quite touched my heart as emotionally and as deeply as that first one had.
Every run brings with it a different experience. Sometimes the joy I get from participating in a half marathon event is rewarding to me because I’m lucky enough to have the privilege of being next to someone who I have helped achieve the accomplishment of crossing their first finish line. Typically that is one of the biggest motivators and emotionally rewarding experiences there is for me.
Sometimes it’s the simple joy of running next to one of my dear friends. I run with one of my best friends quite often and every time we run together I think of how blessed I am to have a friend that enjoys the half marathon craze the same way I do.
Paris was different. Paris had an emotional charge to it that I am not really sure I can explain, but I am going to try….
When the opportunity to do this event came knocking on my door I knew it was a once in a lifetime chance that I couldn’t pass up. It was an opportunity I knew without a doubt my Father would want me to take. Unlike my previously sponsored runs, this one wasn’t about me taking someone else with me to have their first half marathon experience, it was about me going to France to represent the Bariatric Community and share that experience with everyone and that meant a lot to me.
I honestly believe that when it comes to fighting obesity we can achieve anything through determination, hard work and courage. I think those are three of the fundamental necessities of recovering from obesity.
Recovery from obesity is not a simple process. You have to be willing to keep fighting even when it gets hard. You have to be willing to make big life changes that are not always comfortable, fun, or easy.
You have to have the courage to face whatever is going on in your life on an emotional, mental and physiological level that has driven you into the depths of obesity.
You have to be willing to triumph over plateaus that make you want to pull your hair out. You have to be willing to eat healthy when your emotions are on overdrive and all you really want is comfort food. You have to be willing to rally yourself against the social pressures of using food as method of having relationships with people. You have to be willing to exercise even on those days that it’s hard to talk yourself out of bed.
The fight against obesity is a battle where bluntly often only the strongest thrive.
And yet, each and every one of us possesses that strength. Each and every one of us has it in us. We just find it at different times in our lives and at different points of our journeys. I’m a prime example of this. I didn’t beat obesity the first time I fought it. Heck I didn’t even beat it the third or fourth time I fought it. I tried and tried and I feel on my face time and time again.
In fact if there was a big boss to fight at the end of a video game and it was named Obesity I would have probably thrown the game controller at the television screaming in a temper tantrum that it was too damn hard.
Once I came so close that I lost nearly 200 lb. and weighed the lowest I had ever weighed in my adult life. Then I gained every single pound back and had that entire journey to have to do all over again.
But my inherent belief that if I can do this, anyone can do this was exactly what was driving me to be at the start line in Paris. That message is the one that I feel the most obligation to convey to my community.
I’d been to Paris before, as an overweight teenager. If you’d asked me to run twenty-one kilometers while I was there I would have told you that I didn’t want to go. I wasn’t at a point that I was ready because we all arrive at that juncture at a different time.
There was another big emotional drive for me in Paris. Several months ago I lost one of my dearest friends. A fellow bariatric patient, and someone whose presence in my life had made a substantial change in my direction. A mental health practitioner by trade, without ever really being asked to, she had assisted me in my pursuit of chasing happy after I had accomplished healthy. A fellow runner and fellow Disney fanatic, she had been a monumental person in my life. Joy was one of my true “ride or dies”. In fact, back at that first half marathon I ran, when I hit my wall and I wasn’t sure I could do it, she had been the one I called, in tears, looking for words of encouragement and motivation.
Finding out that I was going to be running in Paris had been a sudden thing. The opportunity first presented itself when I was in California at the TinkerBell Half Marathon and my friend Jess offered me a place to rest my head if I could figure out how to get myself there. I flew home from that trip and in a two-day turnaround headed out to Nashville to attend the WLSFA Annual Meet and Greet event. It was at that event that I had spoken to the folks at BariLife and knew that I’d be going to Paris for this run. Though that information wasn’t public yet, when I got home the following Monday, Joy was one of the first people who I called to tell it. I knew that as a fellow Disney maniac and someone who had been a pillar in my world, she was going to be super excited for me.
Five short days later on May 21st, when Joy passed away, I felt a grief I hadn’t felt since my father had left the world. It had taken my breath away. It took everything I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Now here I was in Paris, getting ready to run the event that we had talked about over and over again in the days before she had crossed life’s finish line and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that Joy was going to be with me for each and every kilometer of that 21 kilometer run.
I feel the presence of those I have lost when I run. It’s something I cannot describe or give a real world explanation to. This half marathon had a double dose of that going on for me because I just knew the whole way through that Joy and my Dad where up there cheering for me.
And then there was you. The Bariatric Community and the amazing friends and family that I have within it…
When I woke up Sunday morning and grabbed my phone to rush out the door for the start line I noticed that there was an unusual number of posts on Facebook that I had been tagged in. I wondered what the heck was going on.
When I opened my Facebook app to investigate it, I was literally overwhelmed with emotion. My Facebook timeline was filled with posts of my before and after photo with a caption that said “Thank you Pandora, 260+ pounds lost, 32 Half Marathons, Inspiring Thousands” – Many of the posts included personal comments from people in the community thanking me for what I have done to try to motivate and inspire others as well as offering me words of encouragement for the event.
Tears fell down my face in what was without a doubt the most emotionally charged start line experience of my running career. Even now as I write this my eyes are watering.
I am unsure that words can convey the emotions that ran through me. There was a moment in this journey after I had lost my weight where I decided that what I wanted more than anything was to help other people fight obesity through fitness. When you make a decision like that, you do it because you want to help others. When the people who you want to help and that you care so much about do something like this, without you knowing that it is coming, it lets you know that what you are doing really is making a difference.
I felt something I can’t really say that I have ever truly felt in such a towering way. I felt recognized. I felt relevant. I felt appreciated. As I kept seeing my before and after photo with the words “Thank you” written on it, I kept wiping the tears from cheeks, and all I could do was hold my hand over my heart, try to catch my breath and keep whispering to myself “No, thank you.”
RunDisney uses the slogan “Every Mile is Magical” for all of their events. While I have enjoyed each and every RunDisney event I have done, they are by far my favorite half marathons, this run – this particular event – was by far the most magical run I have ever experienced. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was running through Disneyland Paris theme parks, it had to do with the fact that I had overwhelming sense of love and happiness right there in my heart every step of the way.
At the start line I vowed that I would do nothing but enjoy every moment of this experience. I stopped for any photo I wanted to take. I took moments to stop and appreciate every little thing that caught my eye and capture it to share with those that had touched my heart so much. There was never a wall where I was running out of steam or where I worried about reaching the finish line. There wasn’t a moment that I had to push. Every single mile was pure joy. This was by far the most beautiful, magical and emotionally rewarding run of my career.
Every moment of running through the Disney theme parks, running through the residential streets surrounding it, running through European countryside, cornfields, seeing castles off in the distance, every kilometer marker, every Disney character standing on the side of the course, every marching band and group of cheerleaders, each one was viewed with an appreciation and emotion I have never experienced during a run before. It was magic. Pure magic. And I had all the most important people in my life in my heart sharing it with me with every little rapid beat as I ran.
Leading into this run I had concerns. I’d flared up my achilles tendonitis really bad trying to switch over to new running shoes and I was having to take extra special care and precautions to try to ensure that my ankles were not hurting too much to be able to run on them. Just a couple of weeks prior I’d had the experience of having to walk the last three miles of an event I was running because the pain in my ankles would not allow me to run. Yet on this day, on this run, for 21 full kilometers my ankles never once complained. All my worry and fears were gone and the only thing I felt was this overwhelming sense of love, appreciation, and closeness to those that mattered most to me.
If you had told that overweight teenager that was in Paris twenty-five years ago that someday I would be back here, and that I would spend nine months of my life on the year I turned forty, participating in a Disney based running adventure where I ran a total of 84.1 miles with countless training miles in between, I would never have believed you. Heck if you had told me that six years ago the day I was having my surgery I wouldn’t have believed you then either. I wasn’t ready to be that girl yet. I was nowhere near ready. I didn’t have the determination or the courage yet. Like I said earlier, we all get there at different times in our journey.
But when I crossed that finish line… or I should say when I flew over the finish line, with my arms stretched out like wings and the RunDisney volunteer put that Castle to Chateau medal around my neck commemorating my journey from the Dopey Challenge in Orlando to the Pixie Dust Challenge in California to this Inaugural Half Marathon in Paris, I started to cry.
I knew that something extraordinary had just happened to me. I knew that my Father, Joy and my community were all proud of me, and I knew that I had just done something I would be telling stories about for the rest of my life.
The finish line in Paris doesn’t actually say “Finish”. It’s in French, so it says “Arrivee” which translates literally to “Arrival” and somehow, this particular finish line had a completely different meaning to me. I knew the moment I approached it, because of the emotional response that I had to it that I had just arrived at a new point in my weight loss journey.
This was a defining moment for me.
This moment changed something inside me.
I knew, with more certainty than I have ever known anything before, that I was and am headed in the right direction and that I am nowhere near finished yet.
Pandora Williams author of Desperately Seeking Slender is a Cooper Approved Wellness Coach Trained in Weight Management Strategies and Motivational Speaker studying to become a Certified Personal Trainer.
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So it’s mid-September. Half Marathon season has officially begun and I have completed two of the eleven half marathons that I have scheduled for this season.
One might think that with the experience of having over thirty half marathons under my belt I wouldn’t get nervous about running a half marathon anymore. But if you made that assumption you’d be dead wrong.
Let me tell you why…
When you run as much as I do, you run higher risks of overuse injuries. Anytime you exercise there is a chance that you might get hurt. That doesn’t stop us from doing it because usually the risk of injury is far outweighed by the benefits of exercise, but sometimes that’s not the case. It’s rare – but it does happen.
I have been running for just over four years now. Each year I have run more than the year before. I love to run. Around this time last year, I started dealing with an overuse injury – Achilles tendinitis (chronic inflammation of the Achilles tendon) which for me is caused by excessive overpronation and the ankles rolling in constantly trying to correct it. As a result calcium deposits forming extra bones on the backs of my heels which rub against the Achilles tendon make it very sore and very angry on pretty much a regular basis.
The treatment for it, as prescribed by my foot and ankle specialist, has included warming up the tendons correctly before each run, icing the tendons after each run, daily stretches, an air splint that aims to help stretch the tendon to control the pain and making sure that I have slight heel lifts in my shoes.
This was all working great! And then… I got new shoes.
I got new shoes. That has to be one of the scariest words for an avid runner who is successfully coping with a chronic foot problem. The slightest change in your foot strike, foot fall or stride can be the difference between successfully coping or sitting on the bench.
I didn’t want new shoes. I’d run in the same shoes for the rest of my running career if they lasted that long. But shoes wear out, and unfortunately, shoes change. Like every year. I’ll never understand why they can’t leave the design of a shoe the same for more than a year, but apparently new technology is always better… except when it’s not.
So now here I am, just a day away from getting on a plane to Paris where I am participating in the RunDisney Inaugural Disneyland® Paris – Val d’Europe Half Marathon Weekend and as I pack my suitcase my biggest debacle is…
Do I wear my old running shoes that are worn out and make my feet hurt?
Do I wear the new version of my old running shoes that make my feet hurt?
Do I wear the new completely different style running shoe that I just got to try to stop my feet from hurting as much as they have lately?
Because there doesn’t seem to be a good answer right now.
So here is what I am going to do…
I am going to keep doing everything that I have been doing and this coming Sunday, the morning of the race, I am going to make the decision I think is the lesser of all evils and the most likely to make sure that I make it across the finish line.
In other words. I am going to put all three of those shoes in my suitcase, not stress out about trying to make up my mind right now, and instead focus on getting the rest of my suitcase packed for Paris.
Because I am going to Paris! In less than 24 hours I will be on a plane heading to Paris, France to run my first international half marathon!
I’ve got clothes to pack! My event day running shirt just arrived from my sponsor BariLife Vitamins today and have to decide what I am going to wear with it! I have to get all my running gear together and make sure that it is all packed in my carry on bag just in case something happens to my suitcase.
I’ve got snacks to pack! I’ve got stuff to organize! The last thing I need right now is stressing out about shoes…. Right?
Yup. But I am stressing out about shoes and I will tell you why… because I am traveling all the way to Paris to run this half marathon and to bring home the Castle to Chateau medal that comes along with completing a half marathon at either Walt Disney World or Disneyland and Disneyland Paris. They key word there is completing.
I have never not finished a half I started, and although I know that mentally I could handle not being able to finish, I’m just not sure I can handle it on this particular event. I know I would be very disappointed. Not disappointed in myself, just disappointed in general.
But there is nothing I can do to change this right now. All I can do is put all three pairs of shoes in this suitcase and hope that come Sunday morning, no matter what shoes I have on at the start line, adrenaline, determination (and some pixie dust!) get me to the finish line.
I can guarantee you one thing… you’ll definitely be seeing some really cool photos from the Disneyland Paris Half Marathon course. You’ll be seeing mile marker selfies and smiles as I run through the happiest place on earth in France!
I’m excited. I’m a Disney Fanatic! I’ve been to Disneyland hundreds and hundreds of times, I’ve ran the Tinker Bell Half Marathon for the last three years. I’ve been to Walt Disney World four times now since I started running. But this is my first time at Disneyland Paris and I am super excited to take in this new-to-me Disney Park!
I’m about to embark on a brand new NSV ( Non Scale Victory ) for me!
Six years ago when I started this journey getting on a plane, traveling to another country, walking around a theme park, riding rides and running thirteen miles would have all been a physical impossibility for me. At 420 lb., with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and severe edema, this trip would never have even been a consideration for me! But thanks to my choice to take back my life from obesity, my choice to have bariatric surgery and my successful weight maintenance this is all possible.
And even though this running shoe debacle has me thinking that I need to rename my blog Desperately Seeking Comfortable Running Shoes or Desperately Seeking Sanity, what I need to remember is that, in the big scheme of things, this shoe stress and tendinitis travesty is really a very small thing to have to worry about and there are much bigger things to be celebrating.
So with that said. It is time for me to grab my passport, pack my big girl panties in my suitcase and put a little faith in myself and my journey and say Au Revoir Slender Seekers! The next time we talk I will be telling you all about how amazing Paris was and showing you what a Castle to Chateau medal looks like around this WLS Runner’s neck!
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